I don't know what to say...


A few months ago Bertie ( our neighbor) cornered me outside ( why does she always sneak up on me when I am working in the front garden?) and told me that me doing laundry was damaging her health. Of course, I don't want to damage anyone's health so I heard her out. Apparently it was my dryer sheets... she can smell them... from 50 feet away in her backyard, and they are causing her to have severe allergies. Amazing, I know because it's not the 4 flowering trees that she has in her yard and that drop pollen EVERYWHERE affecting her it is my dryer sheets.  She told me that she wanted to "do research" and find a brand that didn't bother her, and she would then "approve" it for my future usage, but until then she thought I should refrain from doing any laundry whatsoever. I stammered something sort of like "What the hell?? Wait no, I'll agree to try another brand  maybe if it's something affordable and available but, I am not going to have you approve (or disprove) my laundry sheets. That is insane."  

Bertie did not accept my refusal. Instead she began calling on an almost weekly basis, telling me that she only wanted me to do laundry on certain days of the week, at certain times, and with certain detergents. 

Have I mentioned that:

  1. We own our own very small single-family house on a nice big lot, so we don't share any walls with Bertie
  2. Bertie is not in anyway our landlord
  3. Bertie is not in anyway related to me or to Simon
  4. Bertie has other very obvious health issues that are in NO WAY caused by me doing laundry

Needless to say I am now doing as much laundry as frequently as humanely possible. Environment be damned! This is a war and our water bill is just collateral damage.

AuthorCynthia Anderson